Last night, I weighed myself. I did it fully clothed, with shoes on and it was not good. I know, I should never weigh myself fully dressed with clothes, but I did anyway. I know I should never weigh myself just days before my period is supposed to start, but I did anyway. I am SO frustrated with myself!
I can see that my body is changing, that I have muscle definition where there never was before, but I really want to see numbers coming off the scale!
To do that, I know I need to start eating better, but damn it, I LOVE FOOD!
Now that I have a pretty good gym routine going, I average 4 days a week. I really need to start watching what I eat. I don't need dessert every day, what I really NEED is more veggies and more salad! Less sugar, fat and processed foods, more protein, grain and veggies!
While it's really rewarding to see my body changing and my clothes fitting better and differently, I really want to see some change on the scale. I would be happy with just 5 pounds a month coming off, but to get on yesterday and see it say 15 pounds more than I thought it should, HOLY CRAP! Yes, I know, I weighed myself at a bad time, but it still pissed me off!
Fingers crossed, that will motivate me. I know I eat things I shouldn't. I know that it's good to treat myself once in a while, but I don't need to do it every day.
Why does food have to taste so good??? Why can't my favorite foods be veggies and not carb laden sweets and breads???
I'm going to start keeping a food journal. It has always helped in the past to write down every thing I eat and while I don't know how many calories are in everything, it will give me a good idea where I'm messing up and where I can make changes.
Hopefully in a month, I'll be able to come back and write a blog about the numbers on the scale going down. I just need to stay focused on my goal. Size 18, that's what I want to be again. I'm SO close, I can taste it. Just 20 or so pounds. That's nothing.
I CAN DO THIS!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Beautiful Fall Weather
I drove to pick up lunch today and the weather outside is absolutely gorgeous. I really hope it sticks around for a couple more weeks.
This Friday, my mom, brother, nephew, his girlfriend and I are taking off to the beach for the day with the dogs. We don't mind if it's raining, but it would be better if the weather were like today.
Sunday, I'd really like to go on a hike on Mt. Hood. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been, Little Crater Lake. It's a very small lake, but it's really deep and so clear. I'd like to hike from there to Timothy Lake on a day like today, not so much if it's pouring down rain. If I wait much longer, the lake and trail will be covered in snow and I won't be able to get there:( I meant to go all summer and now I'm kicking myself for waiting!
Our summer took so long to get going and it seems like it ended really abruptly! Now I'm wishing I would have done all the things I wanted to while I had the chance. I will admit, I am excited for fall. I love watching the leaves change. Hockey season starts and of course, my favorite holiday, Halloween!
Hopefully, the weather will stay nice just for a couple more weeks. Long enough for me to get in my day trip to the beach, my hike on the mountain and for me to visit the pumpkin patch, I look forward to that trip ALL year:D
This Friday, my mom, brother, nephew, his girlfriend and I are taking off to the beach for the day with the dogs. We don't mind if it's raining, but it would be better if the weather were like today.
Sunday, I'd really like to go on a hike on Mt. Hood. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been, Little Crater Lake. It's a very small lake, but it's really deep and so clear. I'd like to hike from there to Timothy Lake on a day like today, not so much if it's pouring down rain. If I wait much longer, the lake and trail will be covered in snow and I won't be able to get there:( I meant to go all summer and now I'm kicking myself for waiting!
Our summer took so long to get going and it seems like it ended really abruptly! Now I'm wishing I would have done all the things I wanted to while I had the chance. I will admit, I am excited for fall. I love watching the leaves change. Hockey season starts and of course, my favorite holiday, Halloween!
Hopefully, the weather will stay nice just for a couple more weeks. Long enough for me to get in my day trip to the beach, my hike on the mountain and for me to visit the pumpkin patch, I look forward to that trip ALL year:D
Monday, October 4, 2010
To R
Please don't feel bad, I don't. I enjoyed the time we spent together. I knew this wasn't going to last forever. I won't lie, I thought there might be a slight chance that something would happen, but in my heart, I knew all along you weren't ready and that I needed to enjoy you while it lasted and I did, I really did.
I know you're going through a really rough time and I'm sorry. I feel really bad and I wish there was something I could do to help you.
I wish you all the best and I have no hard feelings.
Please take care of yourself! I wish you lots of love and happiness in your life. I know things are really hard right now, but they will get better. You are an amazing man and deserve nothing but the best, never settle for less than that.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." Marilyn Monroe
I know you're going through a really rough time and I'm sorry. I feel really bad and I wish there was something I could do to help you.
I wish you all the best and I have no hard feelings.
Please take care of yourself! I wish you lots of love and happiness in your life. I know things are really hard right now, but they will get better. You are an amazing man and deserve nothing but the best, never settle for less than that.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." Marilyn Monroe
Is it a trend?
I'm not sure, but think I see a pattern starting and I don't like it. Three first dates, two guys are newly single and just re-entering the dating world and one is still living with his wife, though they are separated. Right now, I'm kind of feeling like a magnet for guys who aren't free to commit:(
On the one hand, I'm really super frustrated! All 3 guys are great, I liked them all and would have gladly started a serious relationship with any of them, but they're just re-entering the dating pool and aren't ready for a relationship. They've all been open and honest about where they're at, which is really cool of them, that way at least, I know to not get attached, but why do they have to be so great?
D was cute and funny and super sweet and we had so much in common. I just can't date someone who's still living with his ex, too much drama!
R is amazing. He's cute, sexy, funny, caring, thoughtful, kind, and a truly good person. He has no clue how amazing he is. His wife hurt him so horribly, if I ever met her, I think I'd hit her. I'm really not a violent person, but I don't think I could help myself.
He actually feels bad that he's not ready. He tells me all the time he feels guilty for dating me, because he can't give me what I want.
It makes me so sad, I just want him to be happy. I want to take away the hurt and make him all better. I know that it's not my job to fix him, but if I can help him even a little, then I'm going to do what I can. He deserves to know how great he is. Any woman would be lucky to have him and I'm glad that I get to have him, even for a little while, I know it's not forever, but I'm happy to help him and hopefully get him on his way to realizing what a great catch he is.
I had my first date with A last night and it was a good first date. I had a really nice time and I want to see him again. He's also newly single. I'm his first date, first internet date ever, since he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years a month ago.
My concern with A, is that he is a serial monogamist (he was with his wife for 10 years and the first girl he met after they split up, he was with for 4 years). That's not a bad thing, but I don't want him dating me, because I'm nice. He needs to get out there and date, I think he knows that, but for him, I can see how he might think it's easier to just latch on to the first nice girl, but I don't want to take away the whole dating experience for him. Dating can be fun, sometimes it can suck, but it really is fun to go out and meet new people.
Then on the other hand, I'm kind of glad they're meeting me first. I think I'm a pretty cool chick. I don't play games, I'm open and honest, I don't have insane expectations about how often they're supposed to call or email or take me out. I look at it like I'm giving them a really positive experience. I don't have any expectations and I'm encouraging them to see other people.
I remember when I had just broken up with C, I wasn't ready for serious. Not even close. I wish I could have met someone like me, who was nice and caring and respectful and super cute;-) Someone who had patience and no expectations.
I have no idea why all of a sudden I'm meeting these guys who are newly single and not ready to commit, I just hope there's some purpose. Maybe I'm supposed to meet them so I can help them on their way and maybe I'm learning something from all this.
I will say that I feel like I'm getting closer to finding him, my Prince Charming. I feel like I'm almost there. Like he's just around the corner and if I haven't met him already (I'm not giving up on R or A, just because they're not ready now, doesn't mean we're not meant to be together at some point), that he's really close. I feel like I'm in a really good place, that I've opened up my heart and I'm ready to give and receive the love that I've been searching for my whole life.
On the one hand, I'm really super frustrated! All 3 guys are great, I liked them all and would have gladly started a serious relationship with any of them, but they're just re-entering the dating pool and aren't ready for a relationship. They've all been open and honest about where they're at, which is really cool of them, that way at least, I know to not get attached, but why do they have to be so great?
D was cute and funny and super sweet and we had so much in common. I just can't date someone who's still living with his ex, too much drama!
R is amazing. He's cute, sexy, funny, caring, thoughtful, kind, and a truly good person. He has no clue how amazing he is. His wife hurt him so horribly, if I ever met her, I think I'd hit her. I'm really not a violent person, but I don't think I could help myself.
He actually feels bad that he's not ready. He tells me all the time he feels guilty for dating me, because he can't give me what I want.
It makes me so sad, I just want him to be happy. I want to take away the hurt and make him all better. I know that it's not my job to fix him, but if I can help him even a little, then I'm going to do what I can. He deserves to know how great he is. Any woman would be lucky to have him and I'm glad that I get to have him, even for a little while, I know it's not forever, but I'm happy to help him and hopefully get him on his way to realizing what a great catch he is.
I had my first date with A last night and it was a good first date. I had a really nice time and I want to see him again. He's also newly single. I'm his first date, first internet date ever, since he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years a month ago.
My concern with A, is that he is a serial monogamist (he was with his wife for 10 years and the first girl he met after they split up, he was with for 4 years). That's not a bad thing, but I don't want him dating me, because I'm nice. He needs to get out there and date, I think he knows that, but for him, I can see how he might think it's easier to just latch on to the first nice girl, but I don't want to take away the whole dating experience for him. Dating can be fun, sometimes it can suck, but it really is fun to go out and meet new people.
Then on the other hand, I'm kind of glad they're meeting me first. I think I'm a pretty cool chick. I don't play games, I'm open and honest, I don't have insane expectations about how often they're supposed to call or email or take me out. I look at it like I'm giving them a really positive experience. I don't have any expectations and I'm encouraging them to see other people.
I remember when I had just broken up with C, I wasn't ready for serious. Not even close. I wish I could have met someone like me, who was nice and caring and respectful and super cute;-) Someone who had patience and no expectations.
I have no idea why all of a sudden I'm meeting these guys who are newly single and not ready to commit, I just hope there's some purpose. Maybe I'm supposed to meet them so I can help them on their way and maybe I'm learning something from all this.
I will say that I feel like I'm getting closer to finding him, my Prince Charming. I feel like I'm almost there. Like he's just around the corner and if I haven't met him already (I'm not giving up on R or A, just because they're not ready now, doesn't mean we're not meant to be together at some point), that he's really close. I feel like I'm in a really good place, that I've opened up my heart and I'm ready to give and receive the love that I've been searching for my whole life.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
So tired
Sunday night at 8:50pm and I'm ready for bed. It's been a busy weekend.
Friday, potluck with friends was awesome. I had such a good time! The food was AMAZING! My friend made the best butternut squash soup, it was delicious:)
The night ended on a scary note. My friend's son and his friend had a gun pulled on them. Thankfully, nobody was hurt and the police showed up right away to talk to the boys. Hopefully they were able to find the kids who did it.
Saturday, the Farmer's Market was great. I got a HUGE zucchini for $1 and I'm planning to make some zucchini bread. I also went shopping and was able to find my Halloween costume, so that was fun. I'm still a little perturbed by their lack of plus size costumes, but I'm happy with what I got.
I was supposed to go on a date with CDLC last night, but he didn't call, so I'm assuming he's still sick:( Oh well, c'est la vie. Mom and I got Chinese take out and watched Grey's Anatomy. I'm bummed I didn't get to meet CDLC finally, but what can you do, I'm sure he doesn't want to be sick either.
Today was the AIDS walk 2010. There were tons of people. It was great. It was such a good feeling to be doing this for such an amazing cause! It was so cool to be walking through the streets of Portland as part of a huge crowd, I can't even describe it, but I will say I'm looking forward to next year!
Tonight, I had my first date with A. He's really sweet. We met at the New Renaissance book store (WOW, this place is amazing! I've never seen so many different tarot decks and books in one place!!!) Then we wandered down 23rd and had dinner at the Rams Head McMenamins.
We had good drinks, good food and great conversation. I look forward to seeing him again:)
Now, I'm off to bed, yep at 9:10pm. I'm exhausted!
Friday, potluck with friends was awesome. I had such a good time! The food was AMAZING! My friend made the best butternut squash soup, it was delicious:)
The night ended on a scary note. My friend's son and his friend had a gun pulled on them. Thankfully, nobody was hurt and the police showed up right away to talk to the boys. Hopefully they were able to find the kids who did it.
Saturday, the Farmer's Market was great. I got a HUGE zucchini for $1 and I'm planning to make some zucchini bread. I also went shopping and was able to find my Halloween costume, so that was fun. I'm still a little perturbed by their lack of plus size costumes, but I'm happy with what I got.
I was supposed to go on a date with CDLC last night, but he didn't call, so I'm assuming he's still sick:( Oh well, c'est la vie. Mom and I got Chinese take out and watched Grey's Anatomy. I'm bummed I didn't get to meet CDLC finally, but what can you do, I'm sure he doesn't want to be sick either.
Today was the AIDS walk 2010. There were tons of people. It was great. It was such a good feeling to be doing this for such an amazing cause! It was so cool to be walking through the streets of Portland as part of a huge crowd, I can't even describe it, but I will say I'm looking forward to next year!
Tonight, I had my first date with A. He's really sweet. We met at the New Renaissance book store (WOW, this place is amazing! I've never seen so many different tarot decks and books in one place!!!) Then we wandered down 23rd and had dinner at the Rams Head McMenamins.
We had good drinks, good food and great conversation. I look forward to seeing him again:)
Now, I'm off to bed, yep at 9:10pm. I'm exhausted!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Halloween is almost here
Halloween is by far my favorite holiday. The best costume I ever wore was my Pirate Princess, Saucy Rumpot. I felt GREAT in that costume and EVERYONE loved it!
I'm going to wear black tights (I have to, it's so short) and the same black boots that I wore with my Pirate costume. I haven't decided yet if I'll wear a wig, I LOVE wearing wigs. I might go with out a wig and do my hair curly or even crinkly. I'll have to play with it and see.
Now I need to plan a trip to the pumpkin patch, so I can get my pumpkins. YAY, I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!
Last year, I was an Indian Princess and it was OK, but no where near as good as the Pirate Princess.
This year, I want something just as good as the pirate, if not better. I'm not sure, that I'll ever be able to beat it, but I did find something I really like:) I'm going to be a bumble bee. It's SO cute!!!
I'm going to wear black tights (I have to, it's so short) and the same black boots that I wore with my Pirate costume. I haven't decided yet if I'll wear a wig, I LOVE wearing wigs. I might go with out a wig and do my hair curly or even crinkly. I'll have to play with it and see.
Now I need to plan a trip to the pumpkin patch, so I can get my pumpkins. YAY, I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Busy weekend
I've got a lot going on this weekend. I try really hard not to overbook myself on the weekends, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
Tonight, I'm going to a friend's house for a potluck. I'm excited, there will be good friends, good food and babies:)
Tomorrow morning, I'm picking up a friend and going to the Beaverton Farmer's Market and then Halloween costume shopping. She wants flowers from the market, I want zucchini, so I can make R some zucchini bread and I want some nut butter. YUM!
Halloween is my favorite holiday, so I am really excited about picking my costume. 2 years ago I was a Pirate Princess, it was my best costume ever and this year, I really want to out do that one!
Tomorrow night, I'm supposed to be meeting CDLC for our first date. Unfortunately, it might not happen. He's got the cold/flu gunk that's going around and he feels like poo:( He was really sweet though to call me on Thursday to tell me that I could make other plans for Saturday if I wanted. I really want to meet him though, so I told him I wouldn't make other plans and if he feels better, we can still go out and if not, we'll have a phone date.
Sunday morning, I'm doing an AIDS walk with my friend. I've never done anything like it and I'm really excited! Who knows maybe I'll get addicted and start doing all kinds of marathons? Not likely, but hey, stranger things have happened!
Sunday evening, I have a date with A. Not sure where we're going or what we're doing. I'm looking forward to talking to him about the books he's writing and his travels around Europe.
Even though I'm going to be super busy and doing a lot of running around this weekend and probably tiring myself out too much, it's better than sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself;-)
Tonight, I'm going to a friend's house for a potluck. I'm excited, there will be good friends, good food and babies:)
Tomorrow morning, I'm picking up a friend and going to the Beaverton Farmer's Market and then Halloween costume shopping. She wants flowers from the market, I want zucchini, so I can make R some zucchini bread and I want some nut butter. YUM!
Halloween is my favorite holiday, so I am really excited about picking my costume. 2 years ago I was a Pirate Princess, it was my best costume ever and this year, I really want to out do that one!
Tomorrow night, I'm supposed to be meeting CDLC for our first date. Unfortunately, it might not happen. He's got the cold/flu gunk that's going around and he feels like poo:( He was really sweet though to call me on Thursday to tell me that I could make other plans for Saturday if I wanted. I really want to meet him though, so I told him I wouldn't make other plans and if he feels better, we can still go out and if not, we'll have a phone date.
Sunday morning, I'm doing an AIDS walk with my friend. I've never done anything like it and I'm really excited! Who knows maybe I'll get addicted and start doing all kinds of marathons? Not likely, but hey, stranger things have happened!
Sunday evening, I have a date with A. Not sure where we're going or what we're doing. I'm looking forward to talking to him about the books he's writing and his travels around Europe.
Even though I'm going to be super busy and doing a lot of running around this weekend and probably tiring myself out too much, it's better than sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself;-)
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