Success

I DID IT!

I made it through my first term of college and I got straight A's. I LOVED IT! I met some amazing people and had the best time. I know it will get harder going forward, but it's OK, I know I can do this. I know that I'm meant to be in school.

Everyone has been so great and supportive, but I have to give a HUGE thank you to my friends M and B. They were the ones that convinced me that I could do this and that I would be an amazing student. They proof read papers and helped me detangle math problems. They had faith in me that I didn't have. Without them and their support, I'm not sure I'd even be in school right now.

I can't wait for the next term to start and to continue on my road of higher education and to follow my path on my way to my degree. I can do this, I will have success!

Ouch

I hate to say it, but this one hurts. Not as bad as it would have a month or so ago, but it still hurts.

It's never fun when the man you love moves on, especially when it's his most recent ex-girlfriend. The one he said didn't treat him well, made him unhappy, who he had no passion with. The one who went crazy, stalker, psycho on him after he broke up with her.

Shouldn't it matter that I treated him well, that I made him happy or that we had enough passion to set fire to the rain? Apparently not.

I had a feeling this was going to happen, but I've been in denial about so many things with him for so long, I just kept the blinders on, trying to ignore the obvious. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place.

I've just never been good at friends with benefits type of relationships, I should have known better. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, I should have kept my heart out of it, but I just couldn't do it, he's such a wonderful man, everything I've ever wanted.

Now it's time to let go and move on, something I'm horrible at, but I have to do it. For me and for him, if we're going to maintain our friendship. I have to let go of the hope that someday, he will be mine.

B, whether it's friend love or romantic love, I will always love you. I cherish our friendship and I will do everything in my power to be the best friend to you that I possibly can. I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world, you deserve it.

I would be....

My good friend stole this from another blog and I'm going to steal it from her. I love this....

If I was a month, I would be September

If I was a day of the week, I would be Thursday

If I was a time of day, I would be bedtime

If I was a planet, I would be Jupiter

If I was a sea animal, I would be a sea turtle

If I was a direction, I would be west

If I was a piece of furniture, I would be a chaise lounge

If I was a liquid, I would be water

If I was a gemstone, I would be citrine

If I was a tree, I would be a maple tree

If I was a tool, I would be a hammer

If I was a flower, I would be a gerbera daisy

If I was a type of weather, I would be sunny

If I was a musical instrument, I would be a cello

If I was a color, I would be orange

If I was an emotion, I would be love

If I was a fruit, I would be a cantaloupe

If I was a sound, I would be a Snow Patrol song

If I was an element, I would be fire

If I was a car, I would be a jaguar

If I was a food, I would be lobster

If I was a place, I would be a mountain meadow covered in wild flowers

If I was a material, I would be silk

If I was a taste, I would be dark chocolate

If I was a scent, I would be jasmine

Diving in

I've decided I'm ready to get back out there and start dating again. DW and I broke up 6 months ago and at first, just the thought of dating made me want to vomit, but now, I think I'm ready.

There was a guy that I was kind of seeing for a couple months, but I wanted more than he could give me, so I walked away from that, as painful as it was. It's no fun to fall in love with someone, who doesn't love you back. I take full responsibility for that, he told me the whole time he wasn't ready for a real relationship, but I had this fantasy in my head that he'd see how amazing I am and would change his mind. Unfortunately, that was just a fantasy. Now I'm ready to get back to reality.

Going out with B for those couple of months, even if we weren't technically dating, showed me that I am ready to date, it's not so awful. Good guys do exist and now I have better tools and an awesome example of how I should be treated and what I deserve.

I will definitely be taking things slooooooow. I am really busy with school and that will be my main focus, but it will be nice to go out once a week for dinner or drinks and meet someone new. Maybe this time, I'll find what I'm looking for :)