Dealing with a loss

I've never been good at dealing with loss. Is anyone really good at it? No, I guess not. Nobody wants to die, but death is a natural part of life. How are we not more prepared for it when the time comes?

Sometimes you lose someone distant and while sad, it doesn't effect you. A couple of months ago, my second cousin passed away in a freak accident. I didn't know her very well. I think it's been more than 10 years since I last saw her. It was a sad way for her to go and I feel awful for her family, but I'm sorry to say I won't miss her, because she really didn't have an impact in my life.

Other times, you lose someone and you think, "Well, at least they had a good life and went quickly and didn't suffer". That was last month, my great-uncle passed away from a random infection they couldn't find a cause for. He was in his late 70's and had lived a very good life. The infection had caused him to be paralyzed from the waist down and I know he would have hated to live that way, so in a way, it's better that he passed than live the remainder of his life that way. I will miss my uncle, we weren't close, but I'm sad I won't get to see him again.

<3 Uncle Tom, it made me happy to know that in your final moments, you were thinking of me. I  also remember that day of Eric's wedding and the one thing that always stands out is our conversation. Thank you for commenting on how pretty you thought I was. It meant more to me than you will ever know. <3

Then there are the times when you lose someone and all you can think is "Fuck. WHY. FUCK!" Last week, a dear friend passed away very unexpectedly, she was way too young. My heart aches, I can't sleep, I find myself thinking about her every 5 minutes. I close my eyes and I see her face, I hear her voice. This one hurts. It makes no sense. I will miss my friend very much.

<3 Devon, you were an amazing woman and could always bring a smile to my face. I will miss you terribly. I will do my best to think of all our happy times and not get mired in the sadness. Some of my favorite memories will be of playing BANG and Munchkin, taking jello syringe shots and my most favorite, watching you and Shannon share your love with us on your wedding day. <3

I am reminded of what happened ten years ago today. My 16 year old cousin, Tiffany passed away. It was a tragic accident. How many kids experiment with drugs and come out on the other side a little sick, hungover, maybe in trouble with their parents, but overall, they're fine? My guess is thousands. Tiff was the one out of those thousands that didn't turn out OK. Ten years and I still hurt, still miss my cousin, still mourn the loss of the woman she would have become.

Ten years from now, I know I'll still be thinking of Tiff and Devon. Both beautiful women that went way too soon. I don't know what happens after we pass, but I hope to see both of them again, someday, on the other side, whatever, wherever that may be.