To me, happily ever after is finding the right person to share my life with. I want to fall in love, get married and have a baby. I know that at my age, it's possible that I won't be able to have a child of my own, if that's the case, I definitely want to adopt or be a foster mom.
I don't know where this idea came from or why I'm constantly seeking it out. I don't know if I watched too many Disney movies and read too many fairy tales while growing up or if I didn't get enough love as a child, so now as an adult I have an overwhelming need to be loved, I just know that I've always wanted to live happily ever after.
I know I didn't get this idea in my head, because my parents had the perfect marriage or perfect love. They got married really young, I don't think they planned to have the children they did, they didn't have a lot of money and times were tough. I watched them have their ups and downs and this year, after almost 37 years, they got a divorce.
A lot of people think my mom was crazy for leaving and initiating the divorce, but really, I couldn't have been happier about it. I was tired of seeing her so unhappy. I truly believe if she would have stayed married to my dad, the stress and unhappiness would have killed her!
So, where did this idea of happily ever after come from, I don't know, I just know I've always wanted to be a mom, but I don't want to be a single mom, I want to share the experience with the man I love, my partner, my lover, my friend.
My favorite author, Laurell K Hamilton, wrote something about love in her blog on her 7th wedding anniversary and everything she said, really spoke to me. This is the kind of love I want:
To love successfully, is to love more today than yesterday. It is knowing that sometimes the most romantic words in the world are not, I love you, or sweet nothings, but, "Don't worry about it, I'll do it." For love, true love, is a partnership. It is two individuals who together make a bigger whole, and a better person together than they were apart. To be truly, madly, deeply, in love is to understand that romance consists not just of lingerie and sweaty forgetfulness between the sheets, but in getting up each day and being there for each other. Being there on days when nothing goes right, and everything goes wrong, but even at the worst of times you'd rather be with this man, this person, beside you, than anyone else. Love is working together when it's hard, so that on the days when it seems effortless and more beautiful than seems possible you know you earned this moment. You know that both of you, worked, and sweated, and loved, and earned it. You fall into love, like a trip down the stairs. You stay in love by being able to catch each other, and make sure the accident is worth the bruises.
I want this, I want to love and be loved in that way. I want the partnership. Reading her words, I know it's possible, that what I want exists and that, someday, hopefully, it will happen for me. This is what I want and it's what I deserve!
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