In the first ring you have R. He's a really amazing guy, but newly divorced and not ready for serious. We talk almost every day. We have a great time together. I'm really comfortable with him. He's kind, thoughtful, respectful and has a lot of what I'm looking for in a guy, except he's not ready for serious. So, we're taking it one day at a time, enjoying the time that we spend together and we're both seeing other people or trying to at least. I like him, I really like him, but if he's not ready for serious, then I have to keep my options open and I have to date other people.
In the second ring, are the other guys that I'm dating or talking to and possibly going to be dating. There's CDLC, we're going out on Saturday. We've talked on the phone for a month and he seems like a really nice guy, he hasn't brought sex up at all, which scores him a lot of points. He's from the east coast, a huge hockey fan, loves other sports, loves art and animals, we can talk about anything. He's talks a lot and is a little full of himself, but we'll see how that translates in person.
There was this guy, K, we had sent, maybe 2 emails back and forth, when he decided to tell me how well endowed he was. In that same email he was talking about how he was looking for a true friend, he's family oriented, loves animals, and that he's chivalrous. Hmmm, I was curious and said so, but didn't acknowledge that he'd talked about his package and asked him a few other questions. His next email was all about how I should be curious, any woman would be and every woman should have a chance to be with someone who's really well endowed at least once in their life.
HAH! I had to laugh at that one. I told him that I had been curious about the other things he'd said in his email, not that. That I had been with a well endowed man before and it's not the size of the tool, it's how he uses it. That seemed to intimidate him and I haven't heard from him since. Go figure;-)
Yesterday, A contacted me and would like to meet. He's an English professor, born in France (he speaks French:D), raised on the east coast. From the few conversations we've had, he seems like a great guy. He knows hockey, loves soccer and being outside, wants kids. My one red flag with him is that he's currently separated. I've had bad luck with guys who aren't divorced and are still connected their spouses, we'll see what his situation is.
Also in the 2nd ring are a plethora of guys who contact me just for sex. I get so tired of it, but I don't have it in my to be really rude, so I get creative. More often than not, I tell them how badly I want to have a baby, that tends to get rid of them really fast:)
In the third ring is someone I still have feelings for. I haven't seen him in 2 months, but I still think about him every day. I try to tell myself that we could be friends, that we could make it work. I mean, we have lots in common, we always had fun together, he likes to have a good adventure, but the problem is, I know what he looks like naked and I still want to see him naked. I want to hold his hand and kiss his mouth, I want him to wrap me up in his strong arms and hold me tight. That's why being friends with him really wouldn't work.
That and knowing that he cares about me and that walking away from me was so hard for him. I still don't understand why he let me go. I still have hope that one day he'll wake up and ask himself "What was I thinking???". He won't though, I can hope all I want, but that's not reality. The reality is, he decided that I wasn't a good match for him and that he needed to let me go, before I got even more attached than I already was. We can't be friends, because I'd always be waiting for him to realize how truly amazing I am and for him to change his mind and when he doesn't, I'll be crushed all over again.
This is my circus. I chose it. I have thought seriously about being artificially inseminated. I want a baby and I haven't met Mr. Right, so why not make my dream of being a mom come true for myself? I think about it, but I haven't been able to make the phone call to get the ball rolling, because as much as I want a baby, I don't want to be a single mom.
For now, I'll take the circus, the clowns, the juggling acts, the excitement. It can be fun and scary at times, but I want a partner. I want love, I want to have a family and I don't want to do it on my own.
My Match subscription is up in January. If I still haven't met someone, I will keep my account open, but I will also seriously look in to artificial insemination and consider the possibilities of being a single mom. It wouldn't be my first choice, but I have to look at all my options.
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