Making amends

In the last two years, I've been on a lot of dates and I would love to say I was the perfect date and never treated anyone badly, but I'm afraid that's not the truth. I'm afraid I may have hurt some people.

There were some guys that I never called after the first date. I realize, it's a two way street and they could have called me, but I feel like I'm a bad person, because I didn't call them and I am really glad they didn't call me.

Some guys called. I don't like to lie, but I don't like to hurt anyone either. Instead of saying, I'm not attracted or any one of the reasons I didn't want to see them again, I'd say, I'm not ready to date or that I met someone else.

Sometimes, I'd give them a second date, just to see if something did click. Then when it didn't, I was even more stuck, because usually, they liked me even more after the second date. That was a tough one, again, I don't like to lie and I don't want to hurt anyone. To some of them I'd say, I just didn't feel that spark, then they'd want to be friends. When someone is attracted to you, it's not easy to be friends and thus far in my experience it hasn't worked. (I've even said that to a guy I liked and who broke it off with me, but other than staying friends on Facebook, we haven't seen or talked to each other. It's probably for the best, I really like him and I don't know if I could just be friends, but I wanted to try.)

I feel like I'm getting paid back by the universe and I just want to put it out there that I'm sorry to those that I hurt. I'd go back and apologize if I thought it would help, but if it were me, I wouldn't want some guy coming back weeks or months later, saying sorry, but the real reason I didn't call and I didn't want to date you was that I wasn't attracted or I don't like the way you fidget or I don't like the way you play with your food or that you didn't use your napkin.

There are a few guys who I dated for more than just a date or two that things ended weirdly with and those guys, I'm trying to not necessarily fix things with, but more just clear the air and my conscience.

I feel like once I set things right and fix what I can, then I'll be able to have a fresh start. I will do my best to never leave another guy hanging, I don't like it, so why do I do it? I will be honest and tell someone flat out, I don't want to see you again. If they want a reason, I'll do my best to be tactful, not hurtful. I will treat others how I want to be treated, with honesty and respect. That's the way it should be.