More and more, I'm getting the feeling that I am in a soap opera. The weirdest things keep happening and when I tell people, they always say "Oh my god, you're life is a soap opera!". It really got me thinking, is this something new or has this always been my life? Here's what I came up with, you decide:
- When I was born, my mom's OB, thinking that since this was her first child, labor and delivery would take hours, left the hospital. Apparently, I was the exception to the rule and didn't want to take hours to come in to this world, so the nurses grabbed the closest doctor at hand, a surgeon who'd never delivered a baby before. In his excitment of delivering his first baby, he saw my umbilical cord and declared me a boy. Later when my mom asked to see me, the only two babies in the nursery were girls, she said she knew it was me, when she saw the babies. Really though, it is entirely possible that I was switched at birth and belong to someone else. Both girls born at Tuality Hospital that day, were named Jennifer ;-)
- At about three years of age, I got a horrible case of chicken pox. They were everywhere, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, I was covered. I still have many of the scars today.
- Four years old, my mom had a baby that didn't make it. RIP baby sister.
- On my fifth birthday, which was also Father's day that year, my grandfather who I absolutely adored, passed away. He's the one grandparent that I remember fondly and know without a doubt, loved me. The other two grandparents I grew up with, my mom's parents, I can't say the same.
- When I was seven I came down with a mysterious illness and missed several weeks of school. The doctors did all kinds of tests, but were never able to figure out what it was. All I remember is missing Halloween and throwing up all the time.
- Fast forward to senior prom, I went with a blind date. Yeah, sad, so, so sad.
- At twenty, I fell in with a bad group, I didn't realize how bad they were until one day, I when I went to work, I left them at my house alone. They stole a bunch of stuff from my family. It was awful. I felt so stupid and so used.
- From the age 25 to 30, I was single and celibate by choice.
- I was fired from a job for the first time when I was 30. I'd been at the job for 5 years and I wasn't fired for poor job performance or for poor attendance, I was fired for calling my boss a liar. She tried to tell the unemployment office it was for being written up too many times, but that was another lie, there were only two write ups in my file. Even though I had already found another job, the unemployement agence found in my favor and paid me unemployment for wrongful firing.
- When I was 30, I met my fiance and fell madly in love. He was the first man I ever fell in love with. We were together almost 4 years, when he and my best friend started having an inappropriate relationship. All of a sudden, they were talking every day and going places together, without her husband or I. I tried to talk to them both about how I was feeling, but they both insisted nothing was going on, that I was being jealous and insecure. Which is really funny, considering that both her husband and I were very supportive of them going away on over night trips to LA and Vancouver, B.C. to see concerts neither one of us wanted to see. I only started getting upset, when they were excluding both her husband and I from all plans they were making. I got even more upset when all C did was talk about J and how wonderful she was and how much they had in common, seriously, he would GUSH about her like a little school girl with her first crush!
I can't honestly say what the final straw was, but things just started falling apart and I was miserable, thinking I'd lost my mind. The two people I loved and trusted the most were telling me I was crazy, so I must be, right? I left, I had to. Before I moved out, I found a card that he had written to her for her birthday. In it he said he "cherished every moment they spent together" and he also pledged his "undying love and support" to her. In our almost 4 years together, he'd never said anything that romantic to me. Even when he said he wanted to marry me, he didn't officially propose, he took me to lunch where we had our first date and told me we were going to get married on 07/08/09 in Reno. No, he didn't ask me, he told me.
After I moved out, C couldn't even face reality, he was going around telling our friends and family that I had moved out temporarily, so they were all calling me to find out why I'd left.
Therapy was much needed and long over due. Through that I learned a lot about myself, but I also learned how I was being manipulated and mistreated. Not quite a year after our break up, it was confirmed that my ex-fiance and former best friend were dating. Then a year after that, they moved in together. Oh the lies and deceipt, it's so yucky and dirty!
- At 35, I dated a 25 year old for about 3 months. Yeah, I guess I'm a cougar. The worst part about that whole thing, I was in it for the sex, sorry, it's true, but that didn't happen often enough to make up for having to put up with his immaturity.
- Had a date with a guy who I'd never met in person, but had been talking to for a year via instant message, email and phone. It was a magical first date, I thought I had met my prince. The next day, he told me he'd decided to reconcile with his ex-wife. Ouch!
- Joined several different dating websites and have probably had over 50 first dates in the last 3 years.
- Met a wonderful man, B, went out for 3 weeks. Was taking it slow, doing everything right, didn't have sex until the 6th date, was falling for him and he broke up with me out of the blue for no reason that he would give me, other than to say there was just something about me he didn't like and couldn't get passed. To be continued.....
- I was reintroduced to a friend of a co-worker and we had an instant connection and started dating. Unfortunately, he was a liar and a drunk. During the 11 months we were together, I tried so hard to help him, but he had to want to help himself. I lost myself. I stopped going out with friends, I stopped going to the gym, I stopped blogging. I put everything I had in to trying to fix him and would do anything in my power to make him happy, but that was never going to happen. He was such a nice guy when sober, but he hated himself. There was nothing that I could ever do that was going to change that. I probably would have stayed with him and put up with his issues forever, if he hadn't done the one thing I couldn't forgive. When I found out he was dating someone else, that was the final straw. I know I should have let him go a lot sooner, but I had so much faith that he could change. I should know by now, people don't change until they hit rock bottom and WANT to be a better person. No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you help them, they have to want it and do it for themselves.
- B, part 2 - About 2 months after DW and I broke up, B started messaging with me on Facebook. I was really surprised and caught off guard to learn that he regretted breaking up with me the first time and that if things ever changed for either of us, he'd like to give things another go. Shortly after that, he broke up with his girlfriend and we started hanging out again. I was even more suprised and caught off guard, after seeing him the first time and realizing that the feelings I'd started having for him the first time we dated were still there.
I knew I was going to fall in love with him and told him exactly how I felt. He told me he couldn't say the same thing, he wasn't ready for a relationship and still had feelings for his ex. He offered to stop seeing me, but I didn't want that. I was having so much fun with him and we were both so happy every time we were together. I asked him if he thought he could fall in love with me and when he said yes, it was possible, I decided that if there was a chance, I had to go with the flow and see what happened.
Sure enough, after a month of daily emails and two months of seeing each other every weekend with a weekly hour plus phone call mid-week, I realized I was in love. I thought about not saying anything and just seeing what happened, I knew he didn't feel the same way and wasn't ready to date, but I had to tell him. It was so difficult and as much as I didn't want things to change, they had to. I couldn't keep seeing him and falling more in love, so I walked away. One of the hardest things I ever had to do, but he couldn't offer me any thing more than friendship, he loved someone else.
After we stopped hanging out, we stayed in touch, we both care about and respect each other and while it's painful for me, I can't imagine my life without him. One night, about a month after we'd stopped hanging out regularly, we were having a conversation on Facebook and he offered to be my sperm donor. I have wanted to be a mom my whole life and have considered artificial insemination to make my dream come true. He doesn't like the idea of me being artificially inseminated and because he cares about me, he is willing to give me my dream. I almost fell out of my chair!
Not even a month after that, he was back together with his ex. He never had one nice word to say about her after their break up. He even said there was no way in hell he'd ever get back with her after all the insane things she'd pulled after he'd broken up with her. I guess he likes the crazy.
A few weeks after they got back together, he texted me to tell me that she was reading my blog. The only way she could find my blog would be to have been stalking my Facebook page. At first I was angry at her for invading my privacy, then I was angry at him for even telling me that she was reading my blog and making him unhappy. She wants to be a jealous stalker, that's on her, he chose to get back with her, knowing she had jealous stalker tendencies, don't come crying to me about it.
I love B and always will. It kills me that he chooses to be with someone who is so jealous and insecure and treats him poorly, but that's his choice. He doesn't want to be with me, I need to let the hope go that we'll be together and just be the best friend to him that I can be.
- I ran in to my ex-fiance, C and he is now broken up with J and wants to mend our relationship. Not sure how that's going to go, but I'm willing to be his friend, as long as they are well and truly done. She is a mega B and I don't want any of her negative energy flowing in my direction!
- I had a creepy "It's A Small World" moment this week. A guy I met on Match.com almost 2 years ago, that I went on a few dates with, now we're friends, knows my cousin and dated her as well. They met on a Barfly bus. I know it's not a huge big deal, but it does freak me out a little that my cousin and I slept with the same guy!
Could my life be made in to a soap opera? Yeah, probably. Is there something I'm doing to invite this drama in to my life? Maybe. After going through this list, I'm going to be doing some serious soul searching and try to find peace in my life. I'm going to focus on my school, work, friends and family and try to avoid drama at all costs! I'll let you know how that goes ;-)
No comments:
Post a Comment