Success

I DID IT!

I made it through my first term of college and I got straight A's. I LOVED IT! I met some amazing people and had the best time. I know it will get harder going forward, but it's OK, I know I can do this. I know that I'm meant to be in school.

Everyone has been so great and supportive, but I have to give a HUGE thank you to my friends M and B. They were the ones that convinced me that I could do this and that I would be an amazing student. They proof read papers and helped me detangle math problems. They had faith in me that I didn't have. Without them and their support, I'm not sure I'd even be in school right now.

I can't wait for the next term to start and to continue on my road of higher education and to follow my path on my way to my degree. I can do this, I will have success!

Ouch

I hate to say it, but this one hurts. Not as bad as it would have a month or so ago, but it still hurts.

It's never fun when the man you love moves on, especially when it's his most recent ex-girlfriend. The one he said didn't treat him well, made him unhappy, who he had no passion with. The one who went crazy, stalker, psycho on him after he broke up with her.

Shouldn't it matter that I treated him well, that I made him happy or that we had enough passion to set fire to the rain? Apparently not.

I had a feeling this was going to happen, but I've been in denial about so many things with him for so long, I just kept the blinders on, trying to ignore the obvious. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place.

I've just never been good at friends with benefits type of relationships, I should have known better. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, I should have kept my heart out of it, but I just couldn't do it, he's such a wonderful man, everything I've ever wanted.

Now it's time to let go and move on, something I'm horrible at, but I have to do it. For me and for him, if we're going to maintain our friendship. I have to let go of the hope that someday, he will be mine.

B, whether it's friend love or romantic love, I will always love you. I cherish our friendship and I will do everything in my power to be the best friend to you that I possibly can. I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world, you deserve it.

I would be....

My good friend stole this from another blog and I'm going to steal it from her. I love this....

If I was a month, I would be September

If I was a day of the week, I would be Thursday

If I was a time of day, I would be bedtime

If I was a planet, I would be Jupiter

If I was a sea animal, I would be a sea turtle

If I was a direction, I would be west

If I was a piece of furniture, I would be a chaise lounge

If I was a liquid, I would be water

If I was a gemstone, I would be citrine

If I was a tree, I would be a maple tree

If I was a tool, I would be a hammer

If I was a flower, I would be a gerbera daisy

If I was a type of weather, I would be sunny

If I was a musical instrument, I would be a cello

If I was a color, I would be orange

If I was an emotion, I would be love

If I was a fruit, I would be a cantaloupe

If I was a sound, I would be a Snow Patrol song

If I was an element, I would be fire

If I was a car, I would be a jaguar

If I was a food, I would be lobster

If I was a place, I would be a mountain meadow covered in wild flowers

If I was a material, I would be silk

If I was a taste, I would be dark chocolate

If I was a scent, I would be jasmine

Diving in

I've decided I'm ready to get back out there and start dating again. DW and I broke up 6 months ago and at first, just the thought of dating made me want to vomit, but now, I think I'm ready.

There was a guy that I was kind of seeing for a couple months, but I wanted more than he could give me, so I walked away from that, as painful as it was. It's no fun to fall in love with someone, who doesn't love you back. I take full responsibility for that, he told me the whole time he wasn't ready for a real relationship, but I had this fantasy in my head that he'd see how amazing I am and would change his mind. Unfortunately, that was just a fantasy. Now I'm ready to get back to reality.

Going out with B for those couple of months, even if we weren't technically dating, showed me that I am ready to date, it's not so awful. Good guys do exist and now I have better tools and an awesome example of how I should be treated and what I deserve.

I will definitely be taking things slooooooow. I am really busy with school and that will be my main focus, but it will be nice to go out once a week for dinner or drinks and meet someone new. Maybe this time, I'll find what I'm looking for :)

Love is irrational, please don't ask me to make sense of it.

Why do we fall in love with who we fall in love with? Why do we fall in love with and stay with people who treat us badly, disrespect us, hurt us? Love is irrational.

Why do we let ourselves be controlled by another person? Why do we let people hit us? Are we so afraid of being alone that we'd rather be kept under someone else's thumb or beaten bloody? Ask those people who are controlled or beaten and they'll tell you that they love the person that's treating them that way, but why? How can they love someone that does those things to them? Love is irrational.

Why do we do crazy stupid things for the ones we love? Love is irrational.

How long does it take to fall in love with someone? Is there a set amount of time it takes to fall in love? Is there such a thing as love at first sight? A mother and father love their newborn baby right away, whether it is their natural child or they adopted the baby, a person falls in love with their new pet right away, new friends who meet and click can love each other, why can't we fall in romantic love with another human as instantly? Love is irrational.

Yes, love is crazy and irrational and makes us do crazy things, but we all seek it. We all crave it. Would do almost anything for it.

I've never been afraid to fall in love. I've been hurt many times, had many broken hearts, but my heart always heals, the hurt doesn't last forever. I have been with people who hurt me, controlled me, but they never broke me. I have done crazy, stupid things for the men I love and I'd do it again. I have no regrets about the love I've felt, the men I've fallen for, the things I've done for them, I've learned something from every broken heart, every man, ever crazy thing I've done. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'd rather fall in love and have my heartbroken, then to never love at all.

Love is irrational.

Mid-Term

Halfway through my first term and I am getting A's in both my classes. It feels GREAT!

I was so worried about being successful in school and it's been fairly easy so far. I know it will only get more difficult as I go along, but I'm really looking forward to the challenge.

One thing that has really contributed to my success in school so far is the support of all my family and friends. One friend in particular has been such a help, I couldn't do this without him.

Thank you, B, for everything. Your help with my math and English questions, your support and encouragement, mean the world to me. I won't let you down!

A couple weeks ago, I met with an advisor and I have declared a major. When I decided to go back to school, I didn't have any clear direction, other than wanting to get a basic 2 year degree, but once I was there and started thinking about it, I want a more specialized degree that will help me make more money and have the life I want.

So, I have decided to get an accounting degree. It goes right along with the work I've been doing for the last 6 years, which gives me an advantage, since I have some experience in that field.

I know it won't be easy, but with that degree, I'll have so many options when I'm done with school, I think it's the way to go.

If someone would have told me a year ago, that as of Winter 2012, I'd be a straight A college student going for an accounting degree, I would have laughed my ass off! Now that I'n here though and doing it, I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be, to do anything else, that would be the joke.

And a new chapter has begun

I survived my first week of classes. YAY ME! I'm kicking myself for not doing this sooner, but I'm going now and that's all that matters.

This term I'm taking a math class and an english class. The math class is an intro to algebra and it's a good refresher for me. I haven't done anything outside of basic math in almost 20 years and I was really scared this was going to be difficult, but so far, it's been pretty easy. I used to do really well in Algebra in high school and it's all starting to come back to me. It helps that the instructor is really friendly and helpful. Plus the format of the class encourages you to ask questions and work with other students, so you're not expected to just know things and do them all on your own.

The English class I'm taking is very interactive with lots of class discussions and participation. My instructor was late the first night and she shot down almost every thing I said, I wasn't sure she and I were going to get along, but our second class was much better. I actually had a really great time.

We get to read stories, then discuss them in class. It's awesome to get everyone's perspective on the story. Some people see things in the story that I never would have. We're also going to act out some stories or parts of stories, which I'm a little nervous about, but it's something new and different, which is really exciting.

School isn't the only new chapter I've begun in the last couple weeks. I also adopted a new dog. His name is Gavin, he's a 3 year old beagle and while he's adoreably cute, he is a hnadful. Things are going pretty well, so far, he's getting along with our other 2 dogs and he hasn't destroyed too much of our house ;-)

Last week was rough, new dog, new classes, but it's so nice to be challenging myself and to not be stuck in a rut. It's exciting to be out of my comfort zone. I think I really like it :D